Here's where the buzz wears off. Darla's conscience starts to do its thing, and she feels the effect of it heavily. She breaks every mirror in the place where she's staying -- unable to look at her reflection. She remembers every murder, every torture, by her hand, and she feels remorse for all of them. To make matter worse, Wolfram and Hart drops a bombshell on her that they previously
conveniently forgot to mention: she's dying. Not in the Sylvia Plath way that we're all dying, but actually dying. Soon. She has maybe months.
She is officially human in every possible sense of the word.
It hits her hard, and she doesn't take it well. She freaks. She breaks mirrors and doesn't care when she's cut her wrists to ribbons with the glass. She runs from Wolfram and Hart, then flees to some dive bar to try and get a vympyre to turn her. Angel rescues her from herself, but he can't stop time from cancelling out her life, and he can't make the things she did go away, stop pounding at her. At best, he is a weak comfort, but occassionally something she can lose herself in. And she needs something to lose herself in.
This Darla is fragile. She's just gone from being -- in her own mind, at least -- the most powerful being in existence for the past four hundred years, to being something scared and weak and dying. When you write her, keep in mind that she's very delicate, and very introverted. She's prone to periods of wandering off in thought, talking in riddles or to herself. She also has a strong aversion to mirrors, her reflection, and she'll look for solace most anywhere, anywhere that stops her from living in the beat of her own heart. Although Lindsey is occassionally this solace, his stints at savior are always very short lived. Angel, here, is her natural choice, as he understands what she is going through, and wants more than anything to help her find peace.
Angel (II)
Immediately before The Trials, and during the episode itself, Darla's relationship with Angel becomes very complicated. The underlying reason for their bond right now is the fact that Angel really wants to help Darla, and that Darla really wants his help. The problem comes when their ideas of "help" are taken into consideration.
Angel wants to give Darla something he can't have. He wants her to have piece of mind. Because maybe, if he saves her, then he's somehow saving himself. He cares for her, yes, but beyond that, she has so many things that he wants, and he sees such a shadow of himself in her, that the crusade of helping her becomes something more than just that. Because of all that, it becomes an obsession, a righteous goal.
Darla, on the other hand, has very different ideas about being saved. Angel has a lot of things she wants right now. He has eternal life, eternal beauty. He has fangs, and he could be the answer to all of her problems. No fear of having the disgusting sound of a heartbeat reverberating through her blood. No fear of anything, and no regret, no guilt. He could give all this to her, take her out of the world the same way she brought him into it. But he won't. Not just because it would be wrong, but because his own personal crusade won't let him.
This Darla is insistent and indignant. She needs a quick fix; she's dying, she's dying right now. She needs Angel, needs him for things beyond fangs and blood, but she hates to admit that because he won't give her what she wants. Beyond everything, Darla is scared. She talks big, but she's frightened. She's got everything to gain, and everything to lose.
The Trials
The Trials shows major transformation in Darla. At the beginning, she is at odds with Angel, angry at him because she needs him and hates to admit it, angry because he won't give her what she wants. But by the end of the episode, she realizes how deep his devotion for her goes, and resigns herself to her fate, glad that she can spend the last days of her life with him by her side.
The major transformation point comes during the trials. Darla suffers as she watches her Childe struggle through battle and torture, and then realization comes to her at the third task. He would give his life, which helps so many, to save hers. Weak. Helpless, unable to even save itself. It is then that she realizes his love and devotion to her, and this changes her. She understands that his refusal to turn her was not merely self-centered, and she forgives him for denying her.
When Darla's life cannot be restored magically, she realizes that she will die, and steps out of denial and into acceptance. If she must die, then she is glad she can do it with him by her side. She knows that he understands where she is, and she knows that he would do anything to take care of her.
This Darla is sadly determined to die gracefully, and a strange sort of content. It is ironic that she should finally see love in the world, as she is leaving it, but she is comforted by seeing it.
Writing the Season 3 Darla Arc
In Season Three, Darla takes on another catalogue of personas. First, during Heartthrob and That Vision Thing, Darla is grimly resolute, desperately trying to rid herself of the baby inside of her. Not only a woman scorned, but also in an entire set of predicaments that she never would have imagined she'd be in, she is angry, and she is dangerous. Says Angel: She's stronger than any of us right now.
Darla's return to Angel is both retribution and a futal attempt at solace. She's pissed that she's carrying his child, and wants him to take his piece of the responsibility -- in her mind, all of it -- but she also remembers that the last place she felt safe, the last person who would have died for her was Angel, and so there she returns. To nest.
As she comes closer to term, her soul is more and more in charge of her. She is seeking out younger and younger victims, her body driven to mad anguish when she feeds on anything less than pure. Angel confronts her with the fact that the child in her womb has a soul, and she breaks down in tears and screaming denial.
Throughout this trial, Darla is bitter and angry. Through her rage, she belittles Angel, the one person trying to help her after she estranges Cordelia.
Darla (to Angel): You *so* want to play the good guy, don't you? . . . Gosh. I'm the luckiest vympyre girl in the whole world. Get away from me.
But all this coarseness hides the vulnerability underneath. By the end of Quickening, she's meekly asking for someone to sit with her, and even almost letting herself wish Angel good luck as he goes off to his possible death. By Lullaby, contractions quickening and then dieing away, she is fragile and desperately clinging onto the last bit of love she can ever know.
Darla (on Connor): I don't think I've ever loved anything as much as this life that's inside of me.
Angel: Well, you've never *loved* anything, Darla.
Darla: That's true. Four hundred years, and I never did. Till now. I don't know what to do . . . I haven't been nourishing it. I haven't given this baby a thing. I'm dead. It's been nourishing me . . . These feelings that I'm having, they're not mine. They're coming from it.
Angel: You don't know that.
Darla: Of course I do! We both do. Angel, I don't have a soul. It does. And right now that soul is inside of me, but soon, it won't be and then . . .
Angel: Darla . . .
Darla: I won't be able to love it. I won't even be able to remember that I loved it. (cries) I want to remember.
Darla's sacrifice for her child is not only the effort of the baby's soul, but her own inner personality as well. This Darla is torn, conflicted, but ultimately strong and selfless. When you write her, keep in mind that she's in a very vulnerable position, no matter how strong she is, and that she wants the company of anyone who might care. She has a particular bond with Angel here -- not only as the father of her child, someone she has shared a deep bond with, but also as her Child, and someone who she's known as family for a great part of her life.
When writing Darla with a soul, keep in mind that although the basic essence of a person remains the same, circumstances impact and change it. Darla grows through experience, through pain and kindness. Above all else, remember that anything she had in her was always there. It just sometimes takes a little work to show a shine.